Broken Heart

Tear stained pillows

Wet mattress

Burnt out candles

Dead roses

Ripped up letters

Broken knickknacks

Strewn across the room

Broken hearted lovers

Each in their own world

Begging for the pain

To stop soon

Wishing they hadn’t said things

Words so hurt filled

Able to cut so deeply

Jagged tongue lashing out

Tears down an angry face

Till all that’s left is a broken heart.

My Dad

My Dad tried to love me but he didn't seem to know how
My Dad tried to teach me how to fix my own car or bike
My Dad tried to reach me when I was seemingly lost in life
My Dad tried to show me how to be a good father when I failed to be
My Dad died to teach me how to die like a man

To this day I can't seem to live up to the examples set in front of me
To this day I can't teach my boys how to be men
To this day I can't show my kids how to act like a grown up
To this day I can't show the world I know how to die like a man

Someday soon I will and when that day comes I won't shed a tear
I will raise my head up high because at my last rites I will die and be buried with Honors
Which is more than how I was able to live my life thus far
And no one can take that away from me, ever.

Your Truth

Your truth is not my truth
Your words mean little
Your pain makes me ache
Your lies become my pain
Your actions scream at me
Your tears break my heart
Your soul is not my truth
Your life is not my life
Your world is not my revolution
Your day is not my night, not anymore
Your beauty can no longer cause me pain
Your heartache is no longer my soul
Your truth not mine.

Come

Come as you were
Not as I want you to be.

Come as a friend
Not the lover I wish you'd be.

Come as a beast
Not the sweet friend to me.

I kept calling your name
But you never came to me.

I kept screaming your name
But it fell on deaf ears.

I kept crying out in the darkness
But all I was left with was a tear stained pillow.

Broken Tears

And here I lay asleep in my bed
My pillow stained and wet
The broken tears falling harder now
I walked with you
I talked with you
You held my hand 
And now the broken tears fall 
Each memory relived in the darkness
And each tear drop wets my pillow
I know you loved me
I loved you too
I know  you cared
I cared even more
And still the broken tears fall
I know you wouldn't want me doing it
But I cannot control what happens when I dream 
Because I dream of you and many others
Sometimes I see you with me, sometimes not
But each time the broken tears fall
I never forget the most important part of you being gone
There are no more goodbyes, no more I love you's.

Lost You

The curve of your neck

The way you put your hair behind your ear so softly

The subtle smile you make when I say your name

The way you whisper my name to calm me down

The soft gentle stroke of your fingers on my face

The way you snuggle up to me when I don't feel safe

Too bad all those things no longer happen

Because I lost you.

When I die

When I die
I will be respected
I will be treated as a man

When I die
I will be honored
I will be buried with my brothers

When I die
I will not be missed
I will not be remembered

When I die
I will find peace
I will be relieved

When I die
I will no longer hurt
I will no longer hurt others

When I die
I will leave in peace
I will not cry nor morn my demise

When I die
I will not rage against the dying of the light
I will not fight to keep breathing but let it go

Break

Break me down

Watch the tears fall

Break me down

Watch the pain in my eyes

Break me down

Watch my soul cry out

Break me down

Watch my heart break for you

Break me down

Watch me whimper in silence

Break me down

Watch my words sound hollow

Break me down

Watch me struggle to breathe

Break me down

Watch me struggle to share my love

Break me down

Watch me fall apart before your eyes

Break me down

Watch me fall apart

Break me down

Watch as I wear out inside

Break me down

Watch me rage against the dying of the light

Break me down

Watch me struggle to control my mind

Break me down

Watch me lose my mind

Break me down

Watch how I break down like a shotgun

Each piece in it's place in a case

Each shell unloaded and put away

Each moment oiled to protect me from rust

Each time you break me down I am less of me

Each time you break me down

I am just me

Pain

I have a pain

They don't medication for

 

I have a pain

They don't have a therapy for

 

I have a pain

They don't have words to describe

 

I have a pain

They don't know how to heal

 

Because each time I look in a mirror

I can see it in my eyes

I can see it in the lines of my face

I can see it in my tears

I can hear it in my cries alone at night

 

Because some nights I wake to a tear soaked pillow

And cannot remember what I cried for

Other nights I can

And many of those nights bring about the pain

Those nights I relive memories again and again

Those nights I wish I never had another dream

Those nights I wish I never woke again

 

Because sometimes in those nights I serve in the Army again

Because some nights I love someone again

Because some nights I see someone I can never talk to ever again

Because some nights I wake up and immediately think aloud

 

"Why didn't you take me yet?  What the hell am I still breathing for?"

Angry at myself

Yes I am angry at myself

For pushing you away

For telling you that you don't matter to me

For not keeping my promise I warned you I couldn't keep

Yes I am angry at myself

For losing a good friend

For not being what you needed

For not trying harder to fight that urge to die

Yes I am angry at myself 

For trying to end my life

For not trying harder to care what you thought about me

For not doing what you wanted me to do

Yes I am angry at myself

For not raging at the dying of the light

For not fighting harder to win your trust again

For not earning the hand of friendship you offered me

Yes I am angry at myself

For ever thinking I could keep you around me

For ever thinking you cared enough no matter what

Yes I take some blame but what the hell do you feel now?

Anything?

Burden

People ask me why I don't ask for help

One reason

I don't want to be a burden to someone else

Who may themselves be struggling

I live alone and will probably be alone when I leave this world

But at least I won't hurt someone else on my way out

I won't be a burden as I age

I won't need someone to care for me

Because my mind is a world of ups and downs

It can be hard for someone to be in my life

Like a vampire I suck the life out of them

With each tear or overly manic day

Could you imagine caring for me like that?

No.

And so, I fail to ask for help when I'm struggling

I can't break someone else's heart like I have done in the past

I can't make a promise I can't keep

Because that day may come when I cannot go on

And when that day comes 

I don't want to tear your world apart

With one act you couldn't have stopped

No matter what you say to me

I won't be your beast of burden

I can't swallow your soul that way

Wandering

I wander through this life alone
There are no love words, no holding hands
There is no hope of making a connection

And so I keep wandering all alone
Seeking what isn't there to find
Seeking what isn't there for me

Aimlessly searching for what I want 
But maybe don't even need
My mind pushing me forward

Wandering, seeking out something 
That isn't for me.

Truth Bomb

There is a hidden truth that I keep inside to hide it from the light of day.
It keeps me safe inside myself than to face the ridicule of you.
Everytime I look in the mirror I hate the face I see.
Everytime I want for something I hate the want I feel.
Everytime I hide myself for fear of you I hate me just a bit more.
I know what I am, I know what I want.
To feel safe.
To feel love.
To feel peace.
To feel free.
But I'm not am I?
I won't ever be right?
I won't ever feel love?
How would I know?
How will I be free?
How will I feel safe?
How do I stop feeling what you feel?
Why can't I give back the gift that keeps me hurting?
When do I get to be free from all it?
When do I stop feeling  your pain, your fear, your loss?
Must I really die to get rid of it?
Is there not some way I can stop it?
No.
I have been given a "Gift from God".
I must bare the pain of others.
I must carry it with me as if I am weighted.
I must take it from you if I can so you can be free.
Because I am the empath, I am the ?

I won't let go

Though I can no longer see  your face when I close my eyes
Despite the fact I struggle to hold back the tears
You are leaving me behind
But I make this promise till I draw my last breath
One thing is for sure...

I won't let go.

Chapters of Goodbyes

From the day we are born to the day we leave this earth
Our world is nothing but chapters of goodbyes
The pain can seem overwhelming
From losing a grandparent to our first love
From our favorite pet passing on to a friend who dies tragically
And yet, we have to keep going on even though it hurts
Because in between each chapter there is laughter along with the pain
The memories left behind make life what it is about

What hurts the most

He hated the pain
He hated the memories
He hated the nightmares
He hated missing his friends

But what hurt the most was...He was still here and they were all gone.

Whiskey lullaby

She lived with the pain, the fear, the memories of death
Till the pain took her soul
She tried to drink away the pain
She tried to drink away the memories
She tried to drink away their faces
And in the end all she was left with was a Whiskey Lullaby

Goodbye in her eyes

There it is
That look in her eyes
The tears held back for my sake
The pain is written on  her face
The lies and promises to stay are gone
The truth is held in a moment before she leaves
The past is in the forefront of my soul
The tears begin to fall when she's gone
The pain begins to rip at my soul
The heartache too much
The reality bites
The Goodbye In Her Eyes

The Empath

Jerome T. Kent was born July 22, 1967 to Mary Lee & Merritt Kent of Lawrence, Michigan and by all accounts he was a pleasant child though at times bit of a handful.  His Mom always described him as a sensitive young boy.  He always seemed to know when others were hurting inside without them telling him.

As he grew older he became more sensitive and would often seem to take on others pain without thinking about doing it.  Once he embraced a friends Mom who was dying of Stage 4 Cancer, the next time she went to the doctor she was Cancer free.  Jerome was suddenly ill for a few days then miraculously got better.   His Mom noticed this and told him to hide what he is capable of doing because people wouldn’t understand and would fear him.

For nearly twenty years he hid what he was from the world, occasionally there would be an article in a paper somewhere about a child miraculously healed from a deadly illness.  It would mention a mysterious man visiting but no one could describe any detail of him, his face, his eyes, nothing.   But his Mom would call warning him to no avail because sooner or later she would see another article from somewhere and she knew it was him.

A few years later, he met the woman of his dreams and married her, they had a son they named John Thomas Kent.  He was a beautiful baby boy but he had some health issues over the next ten years.  When he turned fourteen he became deathly ill and immediately Jerome’s Mom knew he wouldn’t hesitate to heal his own son.  But Jerome never gave it a second thought and told him Mom, “I would gladly give my life for his.  This is the gift I have been given.”

Two days later Jerome was dying and his son was a healthy young teenager.  He never knew what happened but he dreamt of a mysterious man coming into his hospital room and praying over him

“Dear Lord, I am the Empath you wanted me to be and for my son I will willingly give my life to save his.  Please take me and leave him here to care for his Mom as I cared for mine.”

Turn the page

John Thomas Anderson, 48 of Kalamazoo walked into his local VAMC at Music Therapy his nerves are on edge it’s that time of year again.  The talent show and he’s going to open up and show the world what he’s capable of doing, it terrifies him.  He has been singing for years but it’s time to put it all together and let it out, to let it go.

“Thanks for having me here, I will be singing a Bob Seger song if you don’t mind.”  John stammered in the mic.  He could sense their apprehension after all he knew what he looked like in the mirror.

The acoustic fired up starting the song he sang his heart out for the first few verses and then the tears caught up with him, “I’m sorry, I can’t finish it.”

The crowd never missed a beat it began to sing the rest of the song as the acoustic played on, John stood at the mic struggling to keep it together.  His memories were flooding his mind, his ability to fight off the stress of performing again, he just couldn’t fight it off.  He gets emotional everytime he thinks about that song but he was convinced to sing it by the recreational therapists.

The crowd finished the song and applauded him anyway, then they just stopped as John stepped back up to the mic.  “I’m thankful you could help me finish the song.”  He then just walked off stage and headed for the bathroom.  He walked in circles, he could feel it coming on...his focus was just gone.

When he came out of the bathroom and old friend was standing there waiting for him.  “It’s alright John, it’s alright.”

“How could I think I could do her favorite song, of all things to sing I had to do Turn the page for them?  What the hell was I thinking?”


“You know she loved it when you sang it to her, don’t you?  She loved to hear you sing a children’s song.  She loved you.”

“ And she followed me into hell and I got her killed.  If I hadn’t joined the Army she wouldn’t have just to be with me. “

Just then someone walked around the corner, it was her sister.  “John she went because yes you were there but she wanted to serve her country too.  Neither of you could have predicted what was going to happen next.  You couldn’t know they were going to attack the tour bus.”

On July 21, 2013 at approximately 1500 hours the tour bus where John, Amy, Mark and Robert were on route to a performance with the USO when their bus was attacked.   John was the only one to survive, his wife Amy died in his arms while he sang, “Turn the page.”