Bringing me out of the darkness

It’s never easy bringing me out of the dark

It leaves me hollow and empty inside

It swallows all my energy

It takes away my soul

It ruins my spirit

It drowns

Me

On my own

Here I am alone, on my own

I work hard to be healthy

When I am on my own

It isn’t always easy

But I manage

For the first time in my life

I am completely living a life

I am caring for my own needs

I am working hard to stay safe

I am working hard to stay free

Each day is what I could call a struggle

But I make it through somehow

I make a world for myself

I do what makes me happy

I care for others

Without compromising my safety

And so here I am alone, on my own

Quiet birthdays

Here it is another year down and another year older.

It’s birthday time again let the pain begin again.

Struggle to keep it to myself.

Remembering what it was like to say, “It’s my birthday” when I was child.

So here I sit quietly, struggling along wishing it was past already.

I keep expecting to be punished by my Dad even if I admit it’s my day.

So, in the middle of party time of the year I sit quietly.

In the end, I know no pain will come but I still am afraid of my birthday.

Each one, a reminder of my failures, of my heartbreaks, of my losses.

So here comes the day when I get a year older quietly.