I served my country

I didn’t squirm
I didn’t stray
I never thought
To walk away.

I took my oath
Where others stood
Many have come
To do some good.

Within each minute
Within each step
Blood, sweat & tears
Each & every rep.

And so I stay
And so I tried
To serve my nation
With Honor & Pride.

It's OK Daddy

It’s OK Daddy

I’m not afraid of the dark anymore
I am going into the dark my eyes wide open
My tears are for those who have gone before me
Not for me for I am overburdened and exhausted
Ready to go

When my time at the pearly gates comes
I will take my medicine from the only one
Whom I will allow to judge me from now on
No one and I mean no one will do that to me ever again
But him

I shall stand up proudly and proclaim my right, my choice
If I never meet you inside that will be the way it is
I shall be laid with my brothers some I knew
Many I did not know but my brothers just the same
Not the kind who beat upon me to toughen me up
Rather Daddy, they stood in front of me to lessen my pain

It’s OK Daddy
I’m not afraid anymore.

I am a Disabled Veteran

I am a Disabled Veteran

Please don't look at me that way
When you ask me where I served
I want to land one on your head
Don't look at my license plate
And question my disability
All you really need to know is
My Country that I stood up for
And said my oath has said

"This Veteran is Disabled of this fact there is no contest

  For he stood at the alter and honored his friends last request

  To lay him in the meadow,  the one filled with stone

  Where their brothers lie in peace

  The ones who stood before

  To take an oath without regret

  So you can stand there free

  And judge them still without a thought

  Of the price of pain they hide inside."

Dear God in Heaven

Dear God in Heaven,

I know you don’t think it is my time to visit you but I am not asking for myself rather I am asking for others who seek peace and understanding.

They fight daily their own minds to survive, to deal with massive issues that make the strongest of us give up.  They fight not knowing why they have been given this problem only to hear your believers tell them “God is testing you.”

I know what they would like to say in response and many like myself are too strong inside to argue their point…

We are not being tested

We struggle to breath

We live in a war no one else can conceive

We long to be free from the pain of this life

We long to find peace and live away from the strife

We cannot explain our torments of pain

We cannot make you see what we feel because it’s beyond understanding

We cannot dream of you realizing the criticism’s hurt

We cannot dream of the bullying to stop

We cannot dream in a night full of peace

We cannot close our eyes without fear of reprisals

So you see God in your heavenly wisdoms, I beg of you to make it all stop, by letting science understand what makes people like me tick through my mind.  You created science to help man understand things after all, so let it understand by studying someone who’s willing to sacrifice on the altar of your being.  I will go without fear or strife because I know I have been allowed to surpass all expectations given to me.

My life was never supposed to be this long

You gave me pills and alcohol to test my resolve

You gave me tumors to see if I wanted to live

You gave me love to help me fight through it

You took love away to see how much I could bear

My chains are heavy O’ Lord, my body has been beaten upon

My world is laden with those who have learned all too well to hate

As they hide behind the cloak of your love, O’ Lord

I do not ask for your guidance, I do not ask for your revenge for their behavior

Rather I ask you of one thing, and forgive me for repeating myself to you O’ Lord

Take my being home, so others may learn from my mistakes, may learn from my diseases

Please do not let me or anyone else suffer a day longer when they do not need to O’ Lord

Please set me free.

1	I AM the man that hath seen affliction by the rod of his wrath.
2	He hath led me, and brought me into darkness, but not into light.
3	Surely against me is he turned; he turneth his hand against me all the day.
4	My flesh and my skin hath he made old; he hath broken my bones.
5	He hath builded against me, and compassed me with gall and travail.
6	He hath set me in dark places, as they that be dead of old.
7	He hath hedged me about, that I cannot get out: he hath made my chain heavy.
8	Also when I cry and shout, he shutteth out my prayer.
9	He hath inclosed my ways with hewn stone, he hath made my paths crooked.
10	He was unto me as a bear lying in wait, and as a lion in secret places.
11	He hath turned aside my ways, and pulled me in pieces: he hath made me desolate.
12	He hath bent his bow, and set me as a mark for the arrow.
13	He hath caused the arrows of his quiver to enter into my reins.
14	I was a derision to all my people; and their song all the day.
15	He hath filled me with bitterness, he hath made me drunken with wormwood.
16	He hath also broken my teeth with gravel stones, he hath covered me with ashes.
17	And thou hast removed my soul far off from peace: I forgat prosperity.
18	And I said, My strength and my hope is perished from the LORD:
19	Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall.
20	My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me.
21	This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
22	It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
23	They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
24	The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
25	The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.
26	It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.

Things about American Veterans you cannot see

There is a long list of things you cannot see

My guilt

My shame

My pain

My heartache

My sense of loss

The things you can occasionally see

My rage

My frustration

My tears

My disgust

There are things in us all we can and cannot see

But the one thing everyone needs to remember

Each of those things are taken differently by each of us

When you say “Thank you for your service”

Some of us want to cry

Some of us want to say, “Please Don’t thank me”

Some of us want to wish you never had a reason to say it

Some of us didn’t do it for the “Thank You’s”  

Some of us wish you wouldn’t stare

Some of us wish you wouldn’t take our pictures without asking

Some of us like many “civilians” just want your respect without having to ask

We are those who took an oath

We are those who struggled through training

We are those who fought in a war

We are those who served in support of a war

We are those who served in Peacetime

We are those who served

All we want is

To receive our benefits

To get help as promised

To receive it in a timely manner

To not have to beg for mental health treatment

To not sit in the parking lot of the VA wishing they hadn’t turned me away

To not sit with guilt being laid upon us because we don’t want to live at this moment

We are American Veterans

We shouldn’t have to fight to live in peace once our service is over