Mike and the wall

Another rainy Midwest Summer Day and Mike sits on his porch wishing the rain would stop.  His game is at 4pm and if it doesn’t stop soon the end of life as he knows it will happen.  Then he sees a man walking down the sidewalk, rain soaked and tears upon his face.

“Mom, why is that man crying?” he asks.  “I don’t know hunny, he walks by everyday.  When he comes back he is crying.” His Mom replied.  “Hmm, he seems so sad can we give him a ride home?  He’s soaked.”  “Sure, let me get the keys and my purse.”

The pulls up along side the man and ask if he would like a ride. “No thank you, Ma’Am.” he replied in a polite tone.  “It is a great day for a walk.” Mike and his Mom drove back home.  This puzzled Mike something awful.  Why was he crying? Why didn’t he want a ride?

For weeks, Mike sat on the porch watching this man walk back and forth.  Then one afternoon he followed the man.  Slowly riding his bike behind him, he had to know where he was going.  The man didn’t seem to notice striding along at a brisk pace.  Despite the slight limp he seemed to have on his right side.

He turned on Porter Avenue and began to slow his pace.  Mike wondered why, the only thing out there in the middle of nowhere was the Veterans Memorial in the old park.  The man walked up to the wall with the names on it.  He fell over trying to pull the weeds along the bottom.  “Mister, can I help you up?” Mike asked.  “Yes, thank you sir.” the man replied surprised to see anyone.  “I didn’t know you were here.” he said.

“I followed you to see where you go everyday.  I wanted to know what makes you so sad.” Mike said.  The man just stood there for a while tears running down his cheeks.  He didn’t speak again to Mike after that.  Just politely walked away with a nod.  Mike followed him back by Mike’s house.  “Mike, where have you been?” His mom called out.

“I went to see where he goes Mom.  I wanted to know why he looked so sad.” Mike replied hoping to not get into trouble.  “Ok, but you be careful.  That park is not used anymore and it isn’t that safe.” His Mom warned.  “You knew where he went?” “Yes.”

Mike went on with the rest of his day, baseball practice, a game and bedtime.  The next day he waited again.  The man came striding as always down the street.  Mike approached him, “Sir, may I go with you today please?” Mike inquired.  “Ok, but no questions.” 

“Ok.  My name is Mike sir.”   “My name is John Wilkinson.” the man replied softly.  “It’s nice to meet you Mr. Wilkinson.” Mike replied.  “Thanks Mike, lets get going I don’t want to be late.”  They moved on quickly Mike was struggling to keep up till they hit the corner again.  John slowed up looking at his watch.

At 2pm on the dot, John walked up to the wall with the names on it.  Touched it, and bent over to get the weeds.  “I got that Mr. Wilkinson.” Mike said quietly.  “Thanks Mike.”  Suddenly John turned away the tears began to fall.  Mike wanted to know why but after all he promised no questions.

They walked quietly back to Mikes house.  “Thanks Mr. Wilkinson for letting me go with you.” “Thank you, Mike. I have a difficult time with the weeds.” he replied.  “Same time tomorrow?” Mike inquired.  “Sure.” John walked away with the tears still in his eyes.  Mike watched as he slowly walked away and he suddenly felt sad.  “Mom, can we get some flowers for the wall?”  “Ok, let’s go pick some out.” she replied

They had gone and picked out some nice flowers not too big, but just right to plant near the wall.  Mike took out a flower tool from shed and placed it on the porch with the flowers for the next day.  He was sure Mr. Wilkinson would appreciate the gesture.

The next day Mr. Wilkinson was on time as usual.  Striding at a faster pace he seemed to be rushed today.  “Let’s go Mike.  I’m late.” he said bluntly.  “Yes, sir.” Mike replied already in stride flowers in hand, tool in his back pocket.  They got to the corner and John didn’t slow down he kept striding along.  Mike was stunned.

They got to the wall, and John glanced at his watch.  “Damn, I’m late.” he said under his breath hoping that Mike didn’t hear him swear.  “May I plant the flowers here Mr. Wilkinson?” Mike asked.  “Over there Mike would be better I think.”  John watched as Mike planted the flowers and got some water from a nearby fountain.

Everyday for months they continued this ritual until school started.  Then Mike only made it on the weekends when he was home.  His Mom loved to visit his grandparents in the next town over and they usually stayed overnight. 

In late fall, school was out for Veterans Day.  Mike waited for Mr. Wilkinson this was of course what they had been doing all summer anyway.  Mike knew what the wall was for, just not why Mr. Wilkinson had to be there at 2pm.  That was still bothering him.  Maybe today he would find out.

Suddenly over the hill came Mr. Wilkinson in a suit with a bunch of ribbons on it.  He didn’t stop to talk, Mike just joined in the march as usual.  Mike was watching how tall today Mr. Wilkinson was moving.  He didn’t seem to limp at all.  Something was different today.  The got to the corner and John stopped, turned and looked at Mike.

“Mike you wait here today. I need a minute or two please.” he said somberly.  “Yes sir, whatever you want.  Is everything ok?” Mike asked disappointed.  “Yes, wait here for five minutes.”  He gave Mike his watch of his right wrist. Turned and kept walking.

Mike impatiently watched minutes tick away.  Then he heard some screaming coming from the Park.  It was Mr. Wilkinson’s voice and he was angry.  Mike ran to see what was going on.  When he got there two drunks were beating on Mr. Wilkinson calling him a baby killer.  Mike didn’t know what that was and didn’t care. 

They were hurting his friend. “Stop that.” Mike said.  The men looked at Mike and ran off.  Mr. Wilkinson lay silently on the pavement in front of the Wall.  He kept looking up at it.  He was too hurt for Mike to help up.  Mike looked at his watch, it was almost 2pm.  “I will do it for you, Mr. Wilkinson.  I will do it.”

As Mike touched the wall, not knowing the importance of what he was doing or why.  He began to cry as he seen all the names.  “Who are all these people, Mr. Wilkinson?” Mike asked.  John lay on the pavement crying touching his medals.  He kept rubbing the one around his neck saying “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok Mr. Wilkinson.  You wait here; I will go get help for you.” Mike ran off.  He came back in a couple of minutes and Mr. Wilkinson was gone.  The medal around his neck was hanging on the wall.  “Son, if you’re playing a prank.  I am going to tell your Mom.” the policeman said.  “Mr. Wilkinson, was laying right there. I swear.” Mike replied.

“Who is Mr. Wilkinson?” the policeman asked.  “The man I have been walking to here with all summer.” Mike answered.  Mike grabbed the medal off the wall and followed the policeman to his car.  He gave Mike a ride home and spoke to his Mom for several minutes.  Then he left.

Mike’s Mom came out on the porch and sat next to Mike.  She took his hand and began to rub his fingertips that were holding the medal.  “Where did you get that?” his Mom asked.  “It was Mr. Wilkinson’s he left it at the wall.  Why?” Mike asked unsure why she looked so sad.

“Mike, there was an accident about an hour ago.” “Where?” Mike asked.  “Out by the park, near where you were.  The man you were walking with was involved.  Two men beat him to death.”  “But, I stopped them.  They ran off.” Mike began crying.

His Mom wiped away his tears.  “No, honey. He fought them off to protect you.”

“He was lying on the ground at 2pm.  I touched the wall for him.” Mike stammered.

“You did but they found the men, who admitted to hurting him.  He died protecting you.” Mom began tearing up.

“Mom, why are you crying?” Mike asked wiping the tears from his eyes.  “Mr. Wilkinson served with your Daddy.  He lost his leg taking a bullet meant for your Daddy. At 2pm, the very next day while Mr. Wilkinson lay in a hospital bed getting his medal you have there.  Your Daddy was shot and killed by a sniper.” His Mom grabbed him and pulled him into her.  “He tried to save both of you. He died being a hero.”

Pictures of life

Mike was sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Katie to come home from work he had been waiting for three days now.  He called off work for two days, he phoned the local hospital and asked if she was there the only response he got was, “Mike she has been at work for three days I’m sorry I don’t know what to tell you.”

The front door never opened he just sat there staring at the pictures on the fridge waiting for her to walk through the door.  Each picture telling a story in his mind of how they met, the life they have led, and the memories they have made together.

The picture of the day they met at the fair her sitting on his lap in the photo booth her lips pressed into his cheek, each wisp of her hair flowing in the summer breeze that blew through the booth.  Her cologne filling his nose as he took in each breath with every thought on how much he really liked her  He could still see the look in her eyes as she kissed him goodnight at her car, got in and drove away with a glowing smile on her face.

The picture of the day he met her parents for the first time, his sweaty palms when he first shook hands with her really large father of 6’8” frame with hands big enough to crush him with one punch he kept thinking as he look up to look him in the eyes.

He struggled to hide how much he wanted to touch her out of respect of this southern classic farm family.  How each minute seemed like a test of whether he would be a good addition to the family not just for their only daughter?  His first time milking one of the families’ dairy cows,  It kicked him so hard he fell and screamed a foul word afraid he was about to be disowned by her father, “Yeah you gotta watch out for Millie she’s a kicker.” was all he said as he giggled and helped him up.  They all had a great laugh at dinner over that one.

The picture of the day they got engaged how she looked so happy and glowing as he put the ring on her finger just moments after asking her father for permission.  He was so nervous he dropped the ring twice trying to get it on her finger, “Sorry.” He sat smiling thinking of how happy she looked that day when they were finally making the big step together.

That led to the picture of their first small house they purchased down the road from her family with the classic dowry her family gave him as a wedding gift.  She looked so happy the day he carried her in just days before their wedding together.

The wedding day picture of just her looking angelic at the camera her hair up just so, a wisp of hair hanging down each side of her face, she looked so heavenly to him that day.  The way he had to keep pushing it out of her face as they said their vows to one another, she gushed at how she loved him and wanted to be together forever.  He stumbled through his poorly written love scratchings that made him sound like a fourteen year old boy with a crush for the first time.

The picture of the day they took over the family farm after her dad had a stroke and was unable to work the farm anymore.  How terrified he was after being a part time participant to becoming the main bread winner for the entire family.  Only weeks later to help her bury her father and mother within another two months   suddenly they were without her family and slowly she seemed to be moving away from him.

The picture of the day she received her nursing degree and started working at the local hospital as an RN.  He was as proud of her as he spun his wedding ring on his finger while she walked across the stage.  A slight twinge of fear in his heart as he could feel he was losing her and it was only a matter of time.  He had no idea how right he truly was after all.

The picture just weeks before when she bought her first new car on her own she didn’t want him to cosign or be on it, “I want to know if something happens to you I can do this on my own.” was all she told him as she made the decision basically on her own.  He felt so left out of her life already at this point but, he loved her so he smiled and just politely responded, “You’re going to be fine honey I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

And there he sits in the house they bought together after working the family farm that has now become his only source of work and income waiting for her to come home.  He kept calling her cell phone it would ring a couple of times but, she never picked up.  He notified the local police department and they just politely told him, “We are sorry she hasn’t been seen in town for several days.”

He got up from the table and walked into the spare bedroom where he was painting the walls a bright pink color for the daughter they were expecting together.  “Where are you, Katie?” he kept saying aloud as he started back to painting the room, assembling the furniture.
He went about his business for several more weeks with no word from her and unable to locate her with any friends that he knew she spoke to.  No one had apparently seen her for weeks and if they knew where she was they were not telling him.  “Sorry Mike we haven’t seen or heard from her in weeks either.”

One day while he was milking the cows the backdoor opened and in walked a slim, non-pregnant Katie with a baby in her arms.  She never said anything and all he could do was cry as he looked down at the beautiful baby in her arms.  Her beautiful blue eyes, her thick black hair and her dark olive skin Mike now knew why she took off since both Katie and his skin is a pale white color and neither is of Greek descent.

“I’m sorry.” was all he heard her say as she looked into her eyes a snapshot of this day now implanted in his head forever like the pictures on the fridge.  “I’m just glad you came home to me, baby.”

The Heart

Bring to me the heart.

The one you see and show to me.

Love the light it brings to me.

Show me how you long to see.

Tender dreams will always be.

This I swear you'll always see.

Cherish life, Cherish dreams.

Forever and ever, till eternity.

Bring the life back to me.

So I may see the light of dreams.

For this I know, just may be.

The dawning of my soul for eternity.

Let love bloom all day long.

It breeds more life.

Right or Wrong.

Keeps it growing big and strong.

Hold it tightly, you'll never be wrong.

This I swear from the bottom of my heart.

To the top of my soul.

 

-Illiad Press (Musings)

-As previously published on Helium.com

Struggled through life

Mike had no idea why he was walking along the beach that morning in his Dress Greens, his patent leather shoes were soaked, covered in dirt.  He kept wandering about having no real idea how he even got there in the first place.  "Hey Top" he heard from behind him was a small framed woman with a big smile on her face, "you going to wander out here all day or come inside?"

He took her hand she was holding out for him as she guided him back inside the Lakeside Funeral Home.  Mike could remember her face but, her name was escaping him somehow as he walked behind her.  He felt dirty as kept thinking to himself how much he liked her walk in front of him, her hair was curled just so and the wiggles at the bottom were rustling against her curvy little bottom.

"My eyes are up here Sarge" she giggled as she stopped and sat him down next to the casket right before the preacher began to give his speech.

"We are all gathered here today to honor this man, the father of six, a husband and a trusted friend.  He had been there for me since I was a mere little boy when the bullies thought I was an easy target, he often put himself in front of me.  At the time he was only about two inches taller than me, small framed and more afraid than I was. 

He never hesitated over the year to put himself in front of those around him who were in danger.  No one was surprised those many years ago when he volunteered to join the military to defend our country, home and his friends.

The first time he went into combat his family as well as I was terrified for him but, he stood proud and protected those around him who were hurt and dying.  We saw pictures of him occasionally with his shirt covered in blood, a jaunt young man who looked like he was lost somewhere with no home.  But, he  eventually came home to marry his high school sweetheart and raise the six kids in the house where he was raised.

Each time the service called he kept going having volunteered for the Guard when he heard there was another issue somewhere.  He served as a medic, a translator and his last assignment he was a minister of god.  He had put down his weapon and spent the last three years of his twenty years serving others in a new way still putting himself in harms way during combat.

We were very surprised when Mike was found last week lying in his lawn chair out behind his house.  He was so peaceful, a smile upon his face a pad of paper on his lap, his pen lying on is right leg as he was preparing to write down the next bible study sermon.  I would like to read for you now what he wrote as it is pertinent today for many didn't know how he suffered from Manic Depression throughout his entire life.  How he suffered, so let me read what he wrote on the page:

"He has aged my flesh and my skin, And broken my bones.  He has besieged me And surrounded me with Bitterness and woe.  He has set me in dark places Like the dead of long ago.  He has hedged me in so that I cannot get out; He has made my chains heavy.  Even when I cry and shout, He has made my paths crooked.  Let him sit alone and keep silent, Because God has laid it on him."

No one knew that Mike was ever suffering himself as he desperately tried to hide the pain inside of him.  But, I often think that this was the reason that he put himself in those positions of danger and harm.  He was so desperately trying to free himself from his pain and suffering seeking some reason in his mind as to why God would do this to him.

I cannot say that God does this to test people who suffer from this dreadful disease because the worst of the sufferers often live in silence since they are ridiculed or left out as they are thought of being crazy.  Mike was not crazy; he was a good man who just wanted to be free from his pain.

Many times I sat up with him at my house as he cried out how he was verbally torturing those in his life.  His poor loving wife, the kids and even at times those he would protect from harm.  No one saw the marks on his body where he used to cut himself, the burns he left on his arms when he wanted to die but chose to burn out the pain.  So today we say goodbye to the one man that we should all be happy for, pray for, love more than the first day he said hello to you.  Mike was an honored Veteran, a father, a man among men and my friend and I will miss him greatly.  Please all stand up and pass by to say your last goodbyes to this honorable man."

Everyone stood up and passed by the casket where he laid when Mike got up following the pretty lady he couldn't remember he was stunned when he saw the man lying there in front of him.  Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked at himself lying there finally at peace, "Goodbye Mike" was all he said as he walked away.    -As previously published on Helium.com

My Inner Struggle

The roller coaster was winding down the tracks
Each twist and turn is a bashing inside my mind
Each flip is a bang against my sanity
With each up and down my body aches more
Each movement ruins one more life
Each tear cries another heartache
Each rant breaks another's love
Each war inside my mind was killing me

Can someone stop the train I want to get off
Each moment I am stuck on it breaks me more
Brings out the tears of pain and anguish
I have lived with for too long
The morose thoughts I express are to free me
From the pain, the tears, the rage it brings out in me

My mind is beating against the walls of the roller coaster
It won't let me out, it won't set me free
There are days my body and mind want to give up
There are moments I wish would never end
Those happy rides where people smile to see me
Those moments where I feel someone cares

Then there are the moments where people seem to hate me more
Those take over again and the ride continues on.

    - As previously published on Helium.com

Inside beyond the unkept demons
The body wears a worn shield
It bleeds out from within
The tears of a thousand losses
Battles gone unseen
Beyond the broken tears.


     - As previously published online on Helium.com