What I am, What I see

I am death.I am a reminder of what pain looks like.I am a clown everyone laughs at.I am irritating to the eyes.I am a destroyer of love.I am to some the anti-christ.I am the emotional vampire.I am the world full of crap in fat body.I am less of a man who never grew up.I am a father who never really was a father.I am a creator of pain that must share his pain.I am a devil who never made it to hell.I am trouble with a capital T.I am not what you think I am.I can never achieve anything for fear the darker side of me will destroy it all.I can never feel love because I would have to know what it felt like to be loved and I have not.I am desire and passion in a body so less desirable than a donut at morning breakfast.I don’t see what you see when you think you might want me.I see pain.I see hate.I see death.I see emotional trauma.I see suicidal hate.I see a lost soul who die alone.I see a face that was once cute and now repels.I see a broken record repeating and repeating itself till I destroy my world yet again.