Jack laid on the bed in his one room apartment the feeling of cold steel in his right hand, he was thinking about things in his life. How he had failed his parents by being a screw up, by failing his brothers in arms by being mentally unstable when they needed him most and by failing to provide for the children he probably never should have even had with his second ex.
“Dear God it just takes five things to make this right, just five thoughts or five favors or five memories to let go of.”
In his mind, those five things were five favors for others.
1. Make a will and trust for his children
2. Pay for his own funeral costs
3. Pay his respects to his brothers families when possible
4. Donate his valuables to a charity
5. Say good bye to his parents
Most of these were obvious but many wouldn’t think those things would be important to most with this frame of mind. He wanted desperately to express how clearly he was thinking and not insane at the time of his death by suicide. He wanted to be remember for something positive not the fact that he chose suicide over living an incomplete life. Some things in life are harder than others for those of us who don’t understand the choice in the first place.
Jack was about to finish his favors as he picked up his cell when he remembered something, he forgot on of his brothers family members.
He dialed a number in his cell, “Hey don’t hang up its Jack. Yeah I know I wasn’t supposed to call you anymore but I’m sober and needed to apologize for your brothers death, I should have never talked him into joining with me. Thanks, and I know you don’t want to hear this but, I love you still Case. Tell the kids I miss them, bye.”
With that he wiped away a tear and hung up then dialed one more number...
“Hi Dad, yeah I know it’s late I just wanted to say I can’t make it for Thanksgiving this year tell Mom I love her alright. Hey Dad, I love you too. No, No I’m fine just tired. No, I just haven’t been sleeping well, yeah I am taking my meds Dad. I’m just feeling so wound up and tired at the same time. You take care of yourself old man, I gotta hang up so you can go back to sleep. Bye.”
Jack laid back staring at the ceiling tiles with the glow in the dark stars on them, drew one more breath and placed the gun to his head, to his chest and with a deep breath there was silence once more.
“Hey Jack you forgot me didn’t you?” A voice in the darkness called out to him.
Screaming out loud, “I gave you five favors now leave me alone to do this.”
“Have you forgotten one thing? When have you bared the wait of my chains? When have you prophetized my words? Have you honored your father, mother and children for me?”
“You will not forsake my soul for this failure, I have given all I have left. My soul is broken, tired and empty. If you don’t let me into the heavenly gates, I will lay with my fallen brothers till the end of time.”
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