To just be me

I often long to appear normal

No longer awkward in public

But years later I know I never will

I cannot come to terms with this

Each time someone looks at me that way

I can sense how they are feeling, what they are thinking

As if I don’t know what I look like

How frightening I can appear to some

Merely because I don’t walk about with a smile all the time

I walk so tight jawed because I know how people see me

I got the same thing growing up from my own family

I am all too aware of the hilarious nature of my appearance to others

Sometimes to the point of wishing I was no longer breathing

Just so they could finally see what they were doing to me

Veiled and failed attempts leave me scarred and ashamed

I am to live out my life this way I guess

To be ridiculed publicly

To be feared by some

To be ashamed at my own self image

To just be me.