I walk a lonely road

I wake up and I'm on this lonely road
It guides me to protect me and to protect others
It reminds me how lonely I truly am at times
Just to make sure I am still myself
And not some semblance of the person I used to be
Long before the lonely road took hold of my life
Long before I entered the darkened abyss
Long before I had to let my love go
To hold onto my love was to tear down someone else
That was unfair to them and to me
Because I would beat myself up for what I've done to them
Over and over again

I can only hope that when I reach the pearly gates of heaven
If there is such a thing
That God understands what I had to do
And doesn't condemn me to further pain
To pay penance for the road I had to chose for myself
To save you from me
To save what was left of my soul
To protect my broken spirit from more pain
To keep the darkened abyss at bay for as long as possible

And so I walk a lonely road
Watching those who are happy
Enjoying life as it happens
A jealousy engulfs whatever is left of me
I beg to feel that but alas on my lonely road
I don't know what it feels like
Even if it was happening to me
After all in the darkness there is nothing
But darkness

Dreams I can't forget
Dreams I want to let go of
People I can't stop seeing in pain
People I once thought I loved leaving me
In pain yet again
Till I open my eyes to the tears
Of memories I try to suppress
Again and again
So when I walk the lonely road
In my dreams
I don't
Hurt
Again.