Suicidal Hate protects you from me

Somedays when I look in the mirror all I can think of is HATE ME.  Living often in a world of suicidal hate no drug or therapy can make go away.  Knowing I can’t do the one thing that drove them away to make it stop.  No matter how dark the hole gets I am often in I can’t help put that idea in their heads.  They don’t deserve that even though I know I do.  I was born alone and will likely die alone rather than be surrounded by those whom I hate for torturing my soul.  Making fun of me, mocking my world, my loves, my needs.  So here I sit waiting on that day as the suicidal hate builds yet again from the loneliness I have to live in to protect others from me.