I know nothing about love

It comes from an unbearable pain
That I have darkened view of life
That I have lost friends, family and even lovers
At least I think they were lovers
For I know nothing about love
The intimacies
The overwhelming desire to share and be together
I rather was consumed by what I thought was love
Devoured in its' soulful exchange of meaning
Obsessed by an innate need to possess it
Whatever "it" is that I know nothing of
And in that state would often lose the very thing I seeked
Leaving me in an unbearable pain for which life had no cure
I could no longer feel anything close to love
I could only obsess over what I lost
This blackened whatever soul I had left
Remembering those I loved and those that loved me
A child watching them die before my eyes
Born as a reminder of family lost
Holidays spent mourning loved ones
Not celebrating those newborn from death
A cancerous being tearing at the fabric of a once happy family