Behind the wall

“Shots fired” was all Jack heard over the radio he had no idea what he was walking into that morning and what came from it left him standing in the rain, mourning for a hero he barely knew.

Jack arrived on scene the building was evacuated with no casualties but there was still a gunman inside the building.  The camera showed him leaning against a wall right next to a hallway that lead to the front door.  They had no idea if he was waiting for victims to come get him so he could have what they call “suicide by cop” or if he was just suicidal and is deciding to go ahead with it or not.

Jack went to walk into the building despite pleas from his supervisor to stay put, he went in, he wasn’t afraid with his experience in the combat zones of Afghanistan behind him this was a piece of cake, he knew what he would be facing here, one man with a gun.  He walked into the building cautiously but with little to no fear, he just wanted this to end without bloodshed if he could.

“I’m coming in; I am not going to shoot I just want to talk if that’s alright.”

“No, go away I’m going to kill myself but I don’t want anyone else hurt.” 

Jack was a bit surprised he expected a male voice but this one was female.  Low pitched, but definitely a female who was trying to make a fateful decision that he was hoping he could prevent from happening, he had seen too many suicides of his brothers in arms when they came home, he wanted to finally try to prevent at least one.

“Can you tell me your name?”

“It’s Amanda, Amanda Keller.”

Immediately he knew who she was a recent Army Veteran released after 8 months of hospitalization from a roadside bomb attack.  What he needed to know now was why she was here, what drove her to this decision and fast. 

“What do you prefer to be called then?  Mandy, my daughter’s name is Amanda and she likes to be called Anda, a name her little sister gave her when she couldn’t say Amanda.”

“Mandy.” A blunt answer.

He poked his mirror around the corner to get a peek at her and what he saw clearly pulled at his heartstrings a bit; Mandy’s face was brutally scarred from the bombing and subsequent fire inside the vehicle.  He tried hard to keep it together as he knew if he couldn’t she might likely just do it and he would have to live with that memory for the rest of his life.

“What brings you to the mall today Mandy?”  He asked hoping to at least start a dialog with her maybe figure out what set her off.

“I used to come here with Sarah, my best friend we did everything together.”  She began to sob quietly.

“Tell me about Sarah, what was she like?”

“I I I can’t it hurts to talk about her.” 

“Then let me tell you about my best friend Bobby, ok?”

“Alright.”

“Bobby was the class clown but a straight A student.  Bobby wanted to change the world anyway, he could.  Then the towers were attacked immediately he was at my door telling me he was going to join.  I tried to talk him out of it, see Bobby he was a bit of a gentle kind of guy had a hard time just watching someone cry, let alone die in front of him, or be the reason their dead.”

At this point Jack was starting to tear up, he rarely spoke of Bobby after he came home from the war.  He wouldn’t let Bobby get hurt so Jack went with him in what the military called the “buddy system.”  Throughout training, Jack carried Bobby because he wouldn’t quit but physically he was struggling to keep up.  At no point did he want to quit and Jack wouldn’t have let him in the first place there was a lot of wired guys in a hurry to get payback for the attacks that fateful day.

“Our first mission in Afghanistan after two tours in Iraq we were in a big firefight.  Tracers everywhere looked like a million fireflies after dusk, we got stuck out of the wire at dark, which was something most would avoid, but we were late because of Bobby.  He stopped to help a family who needed something I don’t remember what exactly.  Anyway, in the midst of the firefight, something landed in front of me and before I could even pick it up Bobby jumped on it covering it with his body.  Before I could move him it went off sending shrapnel into his body but he didn’t die he lay in front of me bleeding out and because of the amount of attackers we faced I couldn’t help him.  Our medic was already killed and I couldn’t reach his medic bag because I was too afraid to go for it when it lay out in the open under heavy fire.”

“He died right?”

“Yeah he didn’t make it we fought hard for five or six hours before we could get the hell out of there and by the time it was over we couldn’t even reach his body we had to get the hell out of there.  I left him behind.”

It was dead quiet for what seemed like twenty minutes, “My friend Sarah wasn’t interested in serving but I talked her into it.  We were going to be Military Police we thought at the most we would be guarding the gate or something.  Our friends were already in and they never saw combat just worked in the rear area as support staff.  Somehow, we wound up in the middle of an escort project for some guy we didn’t even know.  He vanished on us and we were in the process of looking for him while walking down the road looking for signs of him as he left on his feet the bomb went off.”

“What happened to Sarah, Mandy?”

Eerily silent you could hear a pin drop.  “Mandy, Talk to me what happened to Sarah?”

“Sh sh sh she was killed instantly when the bomb went off she was standing right next to it.  We had stopped because I thought I saw one on my side of the road.  It was my fault she was standing right next to it when it went off.  If only I had kept walking, or not talked into joining in the first place.  I got her killed all of it was my fault she wouldn’t even have been there if it weren’t for me!”  She was getting agitated and Jack knew he needed to calm her down before she went ahead and blew her head off in a fit of rage.

“Mandy listen to me, you didn’t do anything wrong she made her own choices, she chose to follow you into the Army.  You obviously cared a lot about her and that’s what is making you blame yourself, but it wasn’t your fault just like it wasn’t my fault.  Both Bobby and Sarah chose to go into the service knowing full well what might happen you and I can’t be responsible for their choices, any more than we can be responsible for the color of the moon.”

He heard the hammer click, he paused before he said anything else peeking with the mirror he could see the weapon in her mouth.  She was shaky but if she wasn’t careful, it was going to end badly.

“Mandy, did you love her?”

“What?”

“Did you love Sarah?”

“Yes, we grew up together I was an only child she was my sister.”

“Do you think she would want you to do this?  I’m not into guilt trips but honestly, do you think she died so you could give up like this?  Is that what she followed you into the service for? NO, she loved you too and wanted to protect, as you wanted to protect her.  She obviously saw you as her Bobby or she wouldn’t have gone in on her own.  She was trying to keep you safe and honestly she did you came home.  Let me call the VA and get you an appointment to talk to someone, please.”

“No, I have to do this I need to be with Sarah, I’m not supposed to be here anymore.  I don’t deserve to live without her here too.  I can’t even look her Mom in the eye knowing what I did to her daughter.”

“That’s just it, you didn’t do anything Mandy, and you just asked her to go with you, to join the service, serve your country honorably.  This isn’t honorable baby; this is giving up on her dream and yours.  Don’t let this happen, you deserve to live a long and happy life.  Let me help you get it, I will go all the way with you and when you get better I will help you get a job as a cop, I know you’d be a great detective.  But, you have to let me help you and keep you safe.”

“But, I’m going to jail.  There is no going back or fixing this not with what I’ve done today there’s no going back.”  She is now sobbing but the weapon is lying in her lap still cocked.

“Sure there is I ‘m sure when the court see’s what’s going on you will have a great chance after you get help but first you have to uncock that weapon and hand it to me baby, let me help you.”

He hears the hammer release but it didn’t go off around the corner he sees a heavily scarred hand pass him the weapon.

“Good girl now get up and follow me outside alright.”

She gets up and begins to follow him outside he didn’t frisk her or cuff her and when they got outside the door she reached behind her and pulled out another weapon pointing at him, a shot rang out.  A sniper took Mandy out.

Jack turned and knelt down to cradle her in his arms when he saw her face he recognized her immediately, she was his stepdaughters best friend Mandy Thompson.  She had the burns when she got home from the service she set her house on fire in an attempt to kill herself.  When they checked her pockets, they discovered a copy of a marriage license with two names on it, Sarah’s and Mandy’s.