Janie

The knock on the door came late on evening I was almost ready for bed I wondered who would come to pay a visit this late, I wish I never knew.

“Mr. Carlson?” the man in the Army Uniform asked.

With tears in my eyes, “Yes, how can I help you sir, Janie isn’t here.”

“Mr. John Edward Carlson?” he asked again with a somber look in his eyes.

“Yes, why are you asking me my name?  Where is Janie?”

“Sir, the…” the words kept coming out of his mouth and I was totally lost as my knees let out from under me.  “Sir, are you alright?  Is there someone I can call for you?”

“No, where is Janie?  She only went to the store, why are you lying to me?  Where is Janie?” I cried out as he helped me to the chair.  He sat me down and went to get me a glass of water as I sat in her favorite chair staring at her picture standing at graduation just six months earlier.  “Where is Janie?  When can I see her?” I asked as he brought me the glass of water.

“Sir, I’m afraid I do not know specifics at this time but, I will find out for you, if you would like me too.”  “Yes, please let me give you my phone number.”  “That won’t be necessary sir, we have it at the base, and I wanted to tell you in person.”  With that he was gone as I sat speechless in her favorite chair holding the picture lost in her eyes.

“Janie baby where are you?”

“Johnny” I heard a voice from the other room.  “I’m in here.”

“Janie, where have you been?  Where are the groceries?” I asked lost in her eyes.

“John, I forgot the groceries I’m sorry maybe we can go later.”

She led me into the bedroom and laid me down on the bed, “Now get some sleep baby, it will all be better in the morning.”  “Ok, sis.” I said closing my eyes.

I woke to the phone ringing startling me awake out of a deep slumber I hadn’t felt since a small boy.  “Hello?”

“Mr. Carlson, this is Lt. Abrams sir we talked last night do remember?”  “Yes, how can I help you Lt?”

“Sir Can you be at the airport for Lt. Carlson’s remains this evening?”

“Why Lieutenant she came home last night and helped me into bed, she forgot the groceries but, we are going to get them today.” I replied certain I spoke to her.

“Sir are you alright?” he asked cautiously.  “Yes, thanks why do you ask?”

“I am a bit concerned sir, I have her remains listed and coming in today on a flight from Iraq.”

“Don’t be silly, Janie put me into bed and I called her sis.  She kissed me goodnight.” a tear ran down my cheek.  “No, sir I’m sorry is there any family members you would like me to contact to assist you?”

“No, we only had each other our parents died when we were teens.” I said somberly remember the loss of them broke her heart, the picture of them together still on her nightstand.

“The plane will arrive around 6pm can you make it here, would you like me to come and pick you up, sir?” he asked.  “No, thanks.  I can get there on my own.” I replied “Goodbye Lt.”

I showered, shaved walked about through my day listening to apologies for my loss only thinking about last night.  “Janie put me to bed.” is all I can remember saying to them.

“John, let me go with you bud.  I can help you with arrangements, they will hold the body till you can make them.” one of my co-workers said.  “No, Janie will go with me.”

“Janie is gone, John.  Let someone help you, I know this must be hard after you lost your parents that way.” he said a tear beginning in his eyes.

“Don’t cry Janie is fine she put me to bed last night.  I know she’s going to pick me up and we are going to go get groceries she forgot to pick them up yesterday.” I replied with a smile.  “Oh, John.”  He just walked away and began making phone calls.

I stood there at my usual spot waiting for Janie’s car to pick me up and she never came so I walked home.  Her car was in the driveway so I ran in calling out to her, she never answered.  “Janie.” Her keys were laying on the table and it almost five-thirty and it’s a twenty minute drive to the base.  “I guess you don’t want to go with me, I will see you when I get home sis.” I said walking out the door.

I pulled up to the gate and the guard knew me and waved me on through, “Mr. Carlson turn right at the light and it’s on your left sir.”  “Thanks Mike.”

I drove up following his directions as I was startled by someone suddenly sitting next to me.  “I want to be buried next to Mom & Dad, John alright?” Janie asked.  “Stop that we are only picking up the empty coffin your not dead.  And Mom wouldn’t like you talking that way if she was here and you know it.

Just because we grew up together John doesn’t give you the right to be so pushy.” she huffed.  “Behave yourself before I call Dad on you.”

“I am so sorry about your parents, Janie.  I wish they hadn’t died in the accident I wish it had been me instead.” I said tearing up.  “John, hush you have done more than enough getting your Mom & Dad to take me in after the accident.  It wasn’t your fault the drunk driver hit their car.”

“It wouldn’t have happened had I only waited for my ride home.  They picked me up and drove out of their way to take me and now you’re all alone.”

“I am not alone, I have you and now you must let me go to John I know it’s going to be hard but, you must do it for me.”  “I can’t Janie, I love you.” a tear rolled down my face as I pulled into the end of the runway by the plane as the flag draped coffins were being unloaded in procession.  “Goodbye Johnny.” she was gone.

The next couple of days were a blur as the arrangements were made through the base chaplain who was a great help though, neither Janie nor I were very religious.  “Thanks, sir I appreciate all your help.” was all I could muster out of my mouth as so many helped me bury Janie, my Janie.

At the memorial service they talked about her service to her country, her devotion to her friends and family.  Her family, I was all she had left of anything we knew as teens being rebellious youths always finding trouble before it found us.  Then she decided one night at age 25 to join the service.  “John it’s the right thing to do.” was all she said.

She had joined up and began officer candidate school at the local college near our home we had made together.  My parents passing shortly after graduation we had only each other as we began our adult lives drawing us closer together only marrying a month before her graduation. 

And like that she was called up for service as a new Lieutenant to serve and protect as an MP in Iraq.  I cried for days after she left working nights so no one saw how miserable I was until she called one day, “John get up and stop crying I will be home soon.” 

Which led us to the day we are at now, the day I have to say goodbye to the only woman I ever loved, ever needed, wanted and protected till she went to protect me.  “Goodbye Janie, I’ll see you in the morning sis.”