Saying Goodbye

For weeks I have been thinking about it. That moment when I have to do the hardest thing I will ever do again and again, say goodbye. Once I get someone inside my walls, it hurts so deeply my eyes are crying with just a thought. I trusted you so intensely, so deeply I am afraid. Afraid of the day I wake up and I cannot come to you when I need to just talk. As I get closer to that day I feel panicked. The pain is so real, so gut wrenchingly hurtful just hearing your name makes me ache. Not the ache of a lost love, no. Rather the ache of losing a trusted friend. Losing a focus I have not felt in a very long time. Tonight I had a deep heartfelt cry over the loss that hasn't even happened yet though the day is coming soon. I know I can never say "thank you" enough in my opinion despite knowing you're doing your job. Even so, I truly felt like you cared about me even if it was so briefly given in the span of both yours and my life. I wish you well, I will miss those moments when for a brief second I forgot we weren't just two friends talking.